Bogley

[Iceaxe]

Scott Card wrote: I guess one positive thing about it was my kids wanted to talk about sacrament meeting after.

Heck.... after reading these stories I've considered going to church again. :lol8:

Maybe the Mormon's should post a list on the marquee of those who will be bearing testimony next go around..... I know there are several I'd pay to see again.... :roflol:

:five: :popcorn:

[ExpUt]

Anyone every play Testimony Football?

Rules vary as widely as the church itself, but the premise is nearly universal. Prior to game one, players need to set the rules and more importantly pick your team, per NFL rules up to 11 per team. With 30 whack-job families in the average ward, it came down to a precise strategy to know which 11 were going to perform best that week. Of course rules would be continued for the next month, slowly adding to them as new freaks come out of their shells. Ours went something like this.

If Sister Johnson got up to tell us about how hard its been with Fred (her deadbeat husband at the time) not wanting to be active in the church, you got 6 pts. If she mentioned how Fred is a recovering alcoholic with a DUI so he can't drive, you get the extra point. To sweeten things up, if at least 4 of her 7 kids got up there while she whispered in their ears the identical "I love my mom and dad and brothers and sisters, I know the church is true and Joseph Smith was a prophet... amen", you get the 2 point conversion.

If "sweet-spirited" eighteen year old Samantha Jones got up to tell about all here friends that are "steady-dating" and "french-kissing" while simultaneously detailing the fact she doesn't date anyone more than once until she is ready to be married in the temple, you get 6 points. If she brings up the fact another one of her high-school chums is pregnant, you get an extra point. If starts talking about her best friend that "her mom made go on birth control even though she is a saint", you get the 2 point conversion.

If all 11 of your players (families) didn't perform that week, you were simply scouting the others.

20-30 rules like this and sacrament meeting is something we looked forward to as kids. Of course I haven't been back since I could drive ;) :popcorn:

[flinstone]

I was at a meetin were a lady bore here testimony on how Elvis changed here life and if it was not for him she would not be in the church. The Bishop did put a stop to that.

[flinstone]

WOW MY GRAMMER SUCKS

[DiscGo]

flinstone wrote: I was at a meetin were a lady bore here testimony on how Elvis changed here life and if it was not for him she would not be in the church.

:haha:

[DiscGo]

ExpUt-

Testimony football is brilliant. I have never heard of that.

[DiscGo]

Iceaxe wrote: I know there are several I'd pay to see again.... :roflol:


:haha:


I still think that first one you mentioned was awesome!

[Mtnman1830]

My home teaching partner was the current Bishop.

Heard some things that I didn't want to hear...

Left the room on a few occasions.

[crashNburn]

Not mormon, but went to church once with a friend when I lived back east almost 20 years ago.

During the sacrament meeting the bishop or some other leader was giving a talk about husbands treating their wives with respect. He mentioned about the many wifes he got in his office that complained about how their husbands treated them.

He then paused for a moment and very seriously said "Brothers... I need to tell you that oral and anal sex is wrong!"

You could have heard a pin drop.....

[DiscGo]

crashNburn wrote: "Brothers... I need to tell you that oral and anal sex is wrong!"

You could have heard a pin drop.....

:roflol:



Boy this thread really has been a great highlight of what not to say.

[Iceaxe]

crashNburn wrote: He then paused for a moment and very seriously said "Brothers... I need to tell you that oral and anal sex is wrong!"

I must mave skipped that page when I read the Triple Combination. :lol8:

:popcorn:

[Sombeech]

crashNburn wrote: He then paused for a moment and very seriously said "Brothers... I need to tell you that oral and anal sex is wrong!"

um, maybe for YOUR wife. :roflol:

But also, testimony BINGO is great. You write down some key phrases/points that will be mentioned like "I'd feel very ungrateful if I didn't stand here today..." or "I didn't want to cry today...."

You line them up on a random board. When you get 5 in a row, you yell AMEN! with your hands raised.

[Don]

ExpUt wrote: Anyone every play Testimony Football?

This whole post was funny, almost enough to make me want to go back one sunday...almost. I laughed out loud when I read:

ExpUt wrote: Of course I haven't been back since I could drive ;) :popcorn:

:roflol: Awesome.