Bogley

Kent K25 · Joined: 18 Jun 2007 Posts: 852 Location: Ivins (St. George)

Ok, so mine may not be as good since none of you know the girl...but you'll get the idea at least.

A little background...this was my friends older sister who has always been the one-upper who has to let you know how and why she is better than you even when it is obvious that she is totally full of it.

So she went on her mission to Russia and for those of you who don't know...when you get home you always speak in your home ward with a high council member and in other wards as well. And it's fairly traditional (at least in my hometown) to bare a SHORT testimony in your mission language at the end. (Something I hate since 99.9% of the people have no clue what you're saying). I didn't do it when I got home, til the bishop asked me to get back up and do it, drove me crazy but I did it.

So this girl is speaking before the high council guy and proceeds to take up the ENTIRE meeting going on and on about how wonderful of a missionary she was. As the minutes were counting down everyone realized there would be no rest hymn before the high council speaker, then time passed and it was obvious that there would be no other speaker besides her...then as she had already gone a couple minutes passed meeting cutoff time she starts to bear her testimony in Russian. No big deal, at least she was finishing up...or so we thought. No exaggeration she spoke in Russian for AT LEAST 10 minutes. I don't want to say 15 or 20 because I don't remember, but it was at least 10 minutes. 10 minutes of most likely no one understanding a single word and you could just see her looking around while she was talking knowing that no one spoke Russian and thinking she was the "stuff."

I wanted so badly to speak Russian to see if she even had a clue what she was saying or was just babbling, because she wasn't a smart girl and Russian is surely a hard language.

It was honestly the first time I've ever seen my parents saying things about a speaker when they finished. They're always positive...but not this time. It was out of control.

moab mark · Joined: 23 Sep 2007 Posts: 114

I attended a sacrament meeting in moab a few months ago. There was this young man up on the stand as one of the speakers. He had a 52 oz refillable mountain dew mug under his seat. He kept leaning down taking a drink through out the whole meeting. He thought he was being clever leaning down so no one could see him but everyone could. I couldn't believe the bishop didn't stop him. Then when they were passing the sacrament one of the deacons spilled his bread tray, well he just bent down and scooped all the bread back onto the tray and kept right on passing it. It was quite a experience.
On the tithing issue. I am a Ute fan. I have always stated that I would pay twelve percent instead of ten if none of it would go to byu. Needless to say our bishop who is a cougar fan ain't biting.

Sombeech · Joined: 09 Dec 2004 Posts: 12600 Location: The Rubbish Bin

Kent K25 wrote: And it's fairly traditional (at least in my hometown) to bare a SHORT testimony in your mission language at the end.

I started to say mine in a British accent. Yeah, it got some laughs. :2thumbs:

trackrunner · Joined: 27 Nov 2007 Posts: 992

Sombeech wrote: Kent K25 wrote: And it's fairly traditional (at least in my hometown) to bare a SHORT testimony in your mission language at the end.

I started to say mine in a British accent. Yeah, it got some laughs. :2thumbs:
:roflol: :roflol: :roflol:

My brother went to Ireland where everyone speaks English. But he broke out some Galic (traditional Irish language) phrases he knew about random stuff from soccer to Genuis to church that formed no centence what so ever, but no one knew what he really was saying.

tallsteve · Joined: 02 Dec 2005 Posts: 251 Location: Cedar Hills

Mooseman70, your feinting story reminds me of an incident that happened a few months ago (this is off-topic but, hey, I started this thread!). My son was in the middle of chemo and one day he was home alone and the doorbell rang. He said he went and opened the door and there was an older couple standing there looking for someone that doesn't live here. They obviously had the wrong address. Well, my son promptly feinted (which he was prone to do during chemo) right in front of these old farts. Ryan says he remembers them saying something like, "Lets get out of here- he's probably on drugs!" He's laying on the floor, nearly unconscious, and these two old people don't help, don't lift him back up, don't even stick around to see if he was OK, they just skeedaddle! We'll he was on drugs- lots and lots of drugs, but not the kind of drugs they were thinking of! Sad.

Mooseman70 · Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 10:44 am Post subject:

:lol8: Dang, that's harsh! Good thing the ol' fogies didn't have heart attacks after they watched him pass out!

jimflint1 · Joined: 17 Jul 2005 Posts: 549 Location: Middle-of-Nowhere

When I was a kid, this older gentleman got up in Sacrament meeting with some papers in his hand. He proceeded to tell us that he had received a revelation for the Church, and began reading off of these papers he had. Within just a minute or so, the bishop stood up and asked the guy to sit down.

Then there was the time when I was 14 that my friend and I hid in the loft of the Sacrament preparation room, which was up on the stand. In the midst of Sacrament meeting, the door opened, and I could see the bishop looking up at us. Evidently, our loud joking and whisperings could be heard plainly through the thin walls of the attic.

Most recently, a woman in our ward got up during testimony time and proceeded to tell us how she had wanted to have her child vagineally, instead of C-section. She kept on and on about it for about five minutes, emphasizing the portion of the word as "jine" instead of the normal "jin", repeating it over and over again. :lol8:

abirken · Joined: 22 Feb 2008 Posts: 2458 Location: Colorado

WOW! I'm not mormon and I have no idea what a sacrament meeting is (i'm assuming it's like a confession of sorts?), but from the reading in this thread of the topics that are discussed...I may want to consider joining so I could go just for my own entertainment. The above by JIMFLINT is cracking me up right now!!!!!! I feel like I've been missing out after reading thru these..... :roflol:

DiscGo · Joined: 07 Nov 2006 Posts: 4013

Sacrament meeting is supposed to be like mass or a general meeting of the congregation, but the first Sunday of the month the meeting is left open for anyone to go up and express their feelings about the Lord and bare testimony of what they believe to be true. It is often more boring than not, but there are a lot of times where people who maybe don't have enough contact at home get up and make things interesting.

Anyway, I can see where it sounds like confession from this thread, and that just makes this extra funny to me.

Mooseman70 · Posted: Sat Jul 05, 2008 9:23 pm Post subject:

In my old Ward in So Cal, there was this kookapottamus :crazy: , Ellie M., who had a pretty bad drug problem. She wasn't active in church by any means, which was a blessing for the most part (i.e. - NOT there to disrupt the meetings), as she was sitting in the Graybar Hotel for months on end.

Every once in a blue moon, Ellie would be released and for whatever reason, it was usually just before the first of the month. We'd have no idea she was out until she'd walk into the chapel in her dirty sweatpants and t-shirt after the meeting was already in session and go straight up to the stand and sit down. There were several other cops in the Ward, and we'd all give each other that look ( :roll: ) when she'd appear. The meeting would go from a Fast & Testimony meeting to a "Starve & Tell Your Story" whenever she'd show up.

She'd get up and start babbling about how she was just released from jail, and that she hadn't smoked meth in over 6 months (sobered up from a stint in the clink), how she's gonna do right this time, blah blah blah blah :blahblah: . Why the Bishop never got up and had her sit down? :ne_nau: Her elderly parents, sister and brother-in-law attended the same Ward, so maybe that's why.

Prior to me moving my family to that little town, Ellie was impregnated by some unfortunate soul - don't know why, as she was so freakin' ugly she'd make a locomotive take a dirt road - and gave birth to a stillborn baby. The Sheriff's office caught her 30 miles away, 3 days later, pushing her dead baby around town in a stroller. :eek2:

When we were expecting our first child, Ellie would constantly ask my wife if she could hold our baby once it was born. My wife would try to be nice and say "We'll see!", but when I caught wind of her asking, I said "Sure! Over my dead body!" :2gun:

Needless to say.... I'm glad I don't live there anymore.

DiscGo · Joined: 07 Nov 2006 Posts: 4013

Mooseman70 wrote:
as she was so freakin' ugly she'd make a locomotive take a dirt road

:haha: I have never heard that expression. It is really funny.

accadacca · Joined: 02 Dec 2004 Posts: 7861 Location: On Your Screen

DiscGo wrote: Mooseman70 wrote:
as she was so freakin' ugly she'd make a locomotive take a dirt road

:haha: I have never heard that expression. It is really funny.
:roflol:

Sombeech · Joined: 09 Dec 2004 Posts: 12600 Location: The Rubbish Bin

A few people get confused and think it's "Open Mic Sunday".

canyonphile · Joined: 15 Dec 2005 Posts: 73 Location: Coastal CT

Sombeech wrote: A few people get confused and think it's "Open Mic Sunday".
:roflol: That is AWESOME!

Fascinating (and hilarious at times) this thread has been :haha:

Scott Card · Joined: 07 Dec 2005 Posts: 1503 Location: Provo, Utah

Funny stories everyone. I laughed out loud a couple of times. For those following along, these are the exception not the rule. I have had my share of nut jobs, crazy folks and odd talks in my life, many similar to those already told. The nuttiest were in Brazil and downtown LA. The most recent "interesting" talk came one week before the letter about visual aids not being a part of sacrament meeting was read. A ward member showed up with juggling balls. Started to juggle and throughout his talk he'd do a little juggling here and there. Then at the end he taught us all how to juggle by bouncing the balls of the podium. Thud, Thud, Thud, thud...etc. Oh, and his kid was standing next to him the whole time making faces. Talk about uncomfortable. I guess one positive thing about it was my kids wanted to talk about sacrament meeting after.