Bogley

trackrunner · Joined: 27 Nov 2007 Posts: 992

DiscGo wrote: One of my favorite meeting had a woman talk about how her husband was shooting blanks. It was awesome to see him slide down in his seat and try and hide.

. . . oh you mean blanks :naughty: :roflol:

shlingdawg · Joined: 07 Jul 2005 Posts: 822 Location: Western Washington

Back when I was the church-going kind - I always teased about deducting 1% from my tithes for every minute church went over.

rockgremlin · Joined: 09 Dec 2004 Posts: 4057 Location: Hotel California

It has always surprised me that the first presidency hasn't put a stop to turning the minutes of the meeting over to the general public. Barely half of the time is the material relevant, let alone spiritual.

I think the church needs a serious overhaul on some issues, starting with fast n testamony meetings...

shaggy125 · Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 3:22 pm Post subject:

I once saw a kid who had just come home from a mission get up and bear his testimony about this awesome new business opportunity he had come into and how he knew if he worked hard and found others to join under him he would be successful... and on and on about some pyramid scheme. He even went as far as to tell people to talk to him after church if they were interested in hearing more about it :roflol: .

Don · Joined: 20 Feb 2006 Posts: 712 Location: Utah Valley

shlingdawg wrote: Back when I was the church-going kind - I always teased about deducting 1% from my tithes for every minute church went over.

Awesome. Deducting your time from gods paycheck; I love that! :roflol:

Iceaxe · Joined: 07 Mar 2005 Posts: 7793 Location: Local Bordello

DiscGo wrote: One of my favorite meeting had a woman talk about how her husband was shooting blanks. It was awesome to see him slide down in his seat and try and hide.

:roflol: :roflol: :roflol:

tallsteve · Joined: 02 Dec 2005 Posts: 251 Location: Cedar Hills

shaggy125 wrote: I once saw a kid who had just come home from a mission get up and bear his testimony about this awesome new business opportunity he had come into and how he knew if he worked hard and found others to join under him he would be successful... and on and on about some pyramid scheme. He even went as far as to tell people to talk to him after church if they were interested in hearing more about it :roflol: .

As the proud parent of a returned missionary I would have been absolutely mortified if my son had done that! I think I have enough guts that I would have walked up to the podium and put a stop to that nonsense. Holy shnikey!

shaggy125 · Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 4:29 pm Post subject:

tallsteve wrote: As the proud parent of a returned missionary I would have been absolutely mortified if my son had done that! I think I have enough guts that I would have walked up to the podium and put a stop to that nonsense. Holy shnikey!

It was at a singles ward, so no Daddy to take him down, I think the Bishop was just about to pull him off the podium before he sat down on his own.

moabfool · Joined: 11 Jan 2006 Posts: 699 Location: The Sunset

This dude knew what he was doing. Pure evil genious :twisted: As long as he lives in that ward he'll never have to speak in church again. He's probably gotten out of teaching very many classes too. It's too bad you had to live through that torture. You should've given him the tie eye.

I've seen the stuffed animal playing the cheesy song thing at a funeral, but never in church. I know why people were crying, and it wasn't because they were sad.

I had a guy in my ward when I was 12 that got asked to teach the 12 and 13 year-old boys. He really didn't want the job and he had a plan to get out of it. He just dropped the f-bomb his very first week as the teacher and his wish was granted. Not long after that he decided he wanted Sundays off and a 10% raise.

Mooseman70 · Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 4:53 pm Post subject:

When I first moved to Utah in late 2004, I went to a Sacrament meeting in Orem where my wife's cousin and family were blessing their newborn baby. Since they do that on the same Sunday as testimony meetings are held, I got to sit back and listen for the rest of the meeting.

About half-way through the meeting, a gal in her mid 20's gets up and bears her testimony. She finishes and gets about 3 steps away from the podium when she drops, face first, into the floor with a resounding "THUD". Now, I'm sitting in the very back, and the thud echos throughout the entire chapel. There was a very collective, audible gasp from the congregation, but nobody moved a muscle to help her out.

My wife's Aunt is a nurse, and since I'm first aid trained, we both get up to help out. As we do, a man and woman quickly walk up to where she was laying and sit down in the chairs near her. They are leaning over her, and it looked like giving her aid, so I decided to sit back down. My wife's Aunt continues up to offer her assistance.

After a couple of minutes of this, the Bishop gets up and says that "Sister so-n-so is OK. This happens to her every once in a while, and we'll go ahead and continue with the meeting as scheduled." :eek2: I couldn't believe it! This gal was still out cold on the floor near the podium and hadn't moved a muscle since she dropped!

The Bishop sits back down and some other congregation members get up and actually STEP OVER this gal to get to the podium to speak! :shock: I couldn't believe I was watching this happen! :lol8:

My wife's Aunt came back to her seat, so I asked her what was wrong with the gal. She said that the man and woman up there with the gal was her Mother and Brother. They told my wife's Aunt that this gal had a "Vagas-nerve disorder" :ne_nau: where her brain "reset" itself whenever she got stressed out, thus the reason she passed out and dropped like a rock. :eek2:

So for the next 20 minutes or so, folks continued to go up to the podium and step over this gal as she was unconcious on the floor. Unbelieveable! :lol8:

The gal came to just before the closing prayer, but she stayed down on the floor until everyone was pretty much out of the chapel. I stayed to see if she got up or not, which she did, but she looked pretty embarassed as she was helped down off of the stand.

:roflol:

DiscGo · Joined: 07 Nov 2006 Posts: 4013

TrackRunner-
I liked your blanks post. :D

Mooseman:
I laughed so hard at the visual image of people stepping over that woman. Man that is funny!

Iceaxe · Joined: 07 Mar 2005 Posts: 7793 Location: Local Bordello

Mooseman70 wrote: "Vagas-nerve disorder" :ne_nau: where her brain "reset" itself whenever she got stressed out, thus the reason she passed out and dropped like a rock.

Cool.... A Microsoft Brain..... :ne_nau:

Damn you Bill Gates..... :lol8:

KillEmAll · Joined: 10 Dec 2004 Posts: 475 Location: Layton, UT

MY T PIMP wrote:
I've got some words on our sacrement Mtgs growing up; Elnora Heslop, Tracy Rausey, and all the fowers girls. They could of ended our drought with those testimony mtg tears. :cry1:

Pimp, first time Justin took me to church with him as kids it was to fast & testimony and sure enough Elnora let it flow. I honestly thought this was the weirdest church ever. I don't think I went back for a long time after that. I seriously thought that's what went on there every Sunday.

DiscGo · Joined: 07 Nov 2006 Posts: 4013

I was once in a testimony meeting where a soldier who came back from Afghanistan got up and showed us the receipt for the bullet he bought to kill his ex-wife (for cheating on him) and then told us he met the missionaries that day and they taught him about forgiveness. That woman got lucky!

Sombeech · Joined: 09 Dec 2004 Posts: 12600 Location: The Rubbish Bin

Yeah, I've been to some strange ones away from home. You look around to see what everybody's reaction is, if that's a normal thing there.